I am a hypocrite.
I let up the settings for my snapchat comforted in the idea that he was watching and in the idea that maybe I can make something work.
It wont and the silent treatment greets me well after I've been cold. Cold particularly because I couldn't move on quite as quickly, that I didn't sit well with the idea that someone just wanted the idea of my comfort without wanting the result I wanted.
I miss our conversations the most I think, rushing home after work to curl up on my phone and feeling as warm as if I were embraced.
That daze got me in so much trouble and watching someone else I love go through the same thing feels like there is only lesson and no answer. Only questions, questions,questions.
At some point I chalked it up to just not hiding away who I was anymore even if I really particularly liked said person. I hide so much of who I am to men whom I am enamored with.
That can't be a healthy thing.
I found that it's much easier to slip into my pleasant attitude than it is to face the fact that I am petrified of someone not liking me for the goof ball, neurotic, perfectionist mess that I am.
That I don't want anyone to fix me or give me money just a home in their heart.
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