Yesterday I stared to my right at the greenest pastures in Southern Washington State. I pointed out the cows and my good friend and I laughed about the possibility of our favorite celebrities being aware of our infatuation. I cupped my chin as I leaned against the car door and I felt Happy. The names, the shows, the movies didn't trigger me to vibrate anymore. I felt free of the pain that I had felt just a year ago.
I stopped writing everything down and just started living this week. My bullet journal has helped me categorize my priorities and I even was up until 2am playing sunset over drive.
I am happy.
I lick my lips now because I don't know if this is temporary, possibly considering I can be capricious but even now as the sun sneaks in and coats my keyboard with warm I can finally sit back and understand that self care is not stagnant.
The way we take care of ourselves shifts and nothing makes that more apparent then when I go out. Perhaps this is my time of extrovertedness where being with friends four times a week is what it takes but I can be in my space here, silently, no music save for the hum of my computer and the crack of the apartment door being slammed by a neighbour that I can savour this moment. This moment in my late twenties where I feel content, I am not anticipating the attention of the male gaze, i'm not waiting on a text or heart broken over a man.
I don't know how I got here but right in this spot my soul is at peace.
That hyper girl that I was is still here, still ready to turn up, still ready to spread all the love that I have onto a willing partner or game for an adventure.
But right now she's here in this computer chair, downtown Seattle smiling like she's in love.
I am, I am in love with this life that I built because no one else was going to build it for me.
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