It's a long way home

Do you ever pause to sit with yourself and wonder if you had a terrible time because of your circumstances or if the horrifying was that it was in fact your attitude?

I felt a wave of warmth over my forehead when I got the phone call, hot embarrassment on my cheeks. This was the start of my Friday. My judgement calls are not always solid but to have someone I really respect need to let me know that a situation had gotten out of hand because of a judgement call I had made was even more so.

Behaviors of other people do not reflect on me, I understand this but that wash of guilt still sat with me.

For a better part of a week and a half I feel as though I have been fighting off a cold, a flu or an allergy I don't know. My deductible is far too high to pay a doctor a visit so hopefully with new job and perhaps some health insurance I can visits doctor and see what is going on.

I feel lethargic, I get that spark back when I'm in the gym but it comes back and of course now that it's all over my neck is all wonky from how I slept last night so you can imagine how just grumpy my body must feel. 

I was listening to an audio book honestly to help my stank ass attitude "how to win friends and influence people." By Carnegie and one of the basics was that "if you can't make someone's day better don't make it worse." 

Boy have I broken that rule so many times this week. 

Essentially it comes down to a comedy of body errors. I don't think I'm trying hard enough to truly believe mind of matter so perhaps I'll try again today.

And the day after that.